Realization

I was lying in bed tonight after reading a portion of Don Miller's Blue Like Jazz, talking to God as I often do right in the midst of those moments before sleep takes me over, when something struck me. It was as if something BIG had been realized by me, and it's kind of sticking in my brain so I felt I should write it down. So here it is: Probably the one thing I desire most in the world is to be loved and understood and to be held and cared for in tough times, listened to, etc. In essence, to be known. I don't think that this desire in me is one that is unique. In fact, I think most of us have this same yearning to some degree. Don Miller would probably say that what we are looking for is for someone else to validate us, when in fact it is God who wants to do so in the first place. But tonight, lying there, a new thought entered my mind: the desire God has put in me to feel loved by another person is, in fact, the same way he feels about me. He wants to be known that deeply by me. It's a blessing that God puts people in our world who can show His love tangibly to us, but that in itself is not enough. He desires it back. And He desires sincerity, our whole heart in this relationship with Him, not just the "leftovers" as Francis Chan so beautifully illustrated by eating that chicken leg a year ago during one of his talks. He wants the first bite, not the bone left at the end. I'm reminded of the passage in Revelation 2 where God says to the church in Ephesus, "You have forsaken your first love...repent and do the things you did at first!" (NIV). In The Message it reads, "Recover your dear early love." Wow. I don't think the word forsaken is exactly one I'd like God to use when I think of how I related to Him while on earth. But I love the romance in "dear early love." God wants to romance me, and He wants some love in return. I'd better get busy!